Live by Design

I have a friend who says that there's nothing wrong with making your body do what you need it to do.  This is in regards to not sleeping, and I'm a little proud to report that I had 4 hours last night, and I'm still functioning now.  My ability to hold a train of thought is less impressive (or was it ever impressive before?), but I had not napped after class as I had intended.  Instead, I'm blogging :)

I did study all Sunday, but I regret to say that my ventures in the 4 o'clock had nothing to do with physics and everything with art.

SSQL put on weeks full of events and speakers centering around themes of sexuality and queer theory.  Intersections week focuses on the boundaries between race and sexuality, examining the pressures that society puts on our identities.  I only have enough time to run a speaker and screening, but I thought it might be a good idea to create some banners to advertise.  I had to pull my design skills out of a very, very dusty box.



I've shown this to a few people so far, and I'm glad I haven't sent it out to the general public, because it's very depressing.  For those who know the movie, this intimate scene is not depressing at all, but is one of those movies in films that makes you scrunch up with a squeal of glee, and there's no need to blush!  But dark colors are morose, something I hadn't noticed until critics pointed out today.  Am I naturally depressive, I asked myself, if it shows in my creativity?  I give little thought to majoring in art because it's my form of self-expression, like this blog, and it comes with all sorts of disgusting horrors that I wouldn't want anybody to see.  But if it's possible to learn art in a classroom, can I not change my design choices, and will those conscious decisions change my thinking towards a more positive state?  Having spent half the night creating something that was, basically, for myself (Felishorns are not), I went to bed and woke up feeling more complete and balanced.

I believe that what I choose to do changes my thinking if it is done consistently and earnestly.  If I were to take only biology classes - as I hope to do eventually - my thinking would be very biological, and everything would start to connect as I think biologically every day.  A mixture of chemistry, physics and biology creates confusion rather than clarity.  But simply biological is simply 1-dimensional.  I want to add something else, not for the sake of adding it but for the sake of keeping a part of me intact.  At the same time, I should cut away things that I don't care about.  Right now I'm missing a part of me that thinks beautifully and emotionally.  I've been training my logic and clarity - which is not at the level it needs to be - and I'm worried that training the other part of me will set me further behind in my scientific training, but...I need it.  I need that part of me which smiles quietly, without judgment, and shows you what she feels rather than what she thinks.  I miss her.

There may not be any changes I can make to this Saving Face piece, but there are other screen shots to start anew.  Perhaps tonight I can try working with those - in lighter tones! - and see if this design can't be revisited and revamped. Until then, here are some happy concepts to consider as I review for my biology midterm, in which I am determined to ace.


can we pretend by =suicide-bee on deviantART

fall's glow by =suicide-bee on deviantART

evanescere by =suicide-bee on deviantART


further considerations
things to see in the New York Times
is there a bird in that nest?
ah, starlets, stay