The internet here is not as great as the internet on campus, but at least I have internet, so no complaints. Here are some songs I've been addicted to the last few days. I love that I can build custom play lists with Grooveshark and share it here without having to save it. Maybe the songs won't get deleted as easily as Youtube? In any case, I'll include the set list.
1. Happy Ending by Mika
2. Thinking Underage by Teddy Geiger
3. Divenire by Ludovico Einaudi
4. The Story by Sara Ramirez
5. I Think It's Going To Rain Today by Katie Melua
6. Belfast by Katie Melua
Sigh. My brain refuses to read. It's awake, I slept, but work is just a no-go right now. Instead, my mind is fill with awe in light of recent human connections and experiences, feelings that make my close my eyes, turn my face into the fresh sea air and breathe in deeply.
Sunday night I loved a girl's heart when we stayed up all night sharing our childhood stories, connecting over our pains and insecurities, our tears and heartbreaks. She doesn't love women, but the flavor of female attraction has always differed from male, and I know this attraction is female but without the desire for possession or unrequited love. Let's dare to push the boundaries of friendship beyond friendliness to loveship. I think she has been hurt too much, yet still she cares so deeply, that I want to be an unwavering source of love in her life. I want to make her laugh, and listen close when she hurts. Isn't it terrible when the world creates an individual so filled with love and excitement that every man who comes across her believes she loves him and demands more? There is still a person out there who will love me unconditionally as I will love her, but I want to hold this girl close to my heart and never let her go as we both navigate the paths of our lives. But I have to be careful. I have to make sure she doesn't misunderstand and think that I am chasing her, too.
Somewhere during the end of Winter quarter the lock on my heart started to unlock. It seems to be a collective effort of the community around me, because suddenly I am yearning for more people than I can count on my fingers. I've become accustomed to the ache for high school and middle school friends, but missing college friends is new. So I'm filled with all this strange emotions that are all good, but yearning good, bittersweet and nostalgic. It's slightly uncomfortable in the good way, like reaching an orgasm, all the squirming and lack of breath you go through before reaching the explosion that makes you feel good. But the orgasm has to be delayed for another time. Is this how people become tied down to one place? These bonds of love and friendship feels strong, and it hurts when I'm far away from those I care about that it becomes difficult to focus on the place I am now, difficult to focus on the classes that I need to pass. How do I take all these people with me when I'm not done exploring their hearts?
Right now I tell myself that my brain is rebelling from not having an actual spring break, so it's taking a few days off to dream and feel and love the world before we go underground again to the world of little sleep, tons of work and struggle for validity. All these sensitive emotions will go away and my brain will harden itself for the grind again soon. But...I've felt the embrace of love within my community, and I want to keep it here always. Currently it's difficult to feel the same love from my housemates, since we all seem to be very reserved and independent. It's hard to repress my neediness.
Ahhhh. The only thing I can think of to quell this loneliness is the soulful music of Katie Melua, chocolate, and a birthday dinner with my new house mates. So much for productivity. Now I'm just moping and feeling homesick.
So someday, down the road, when I'm agonizing about what a boring person I've become, I need to look back at tonight, when I'm the only one left in the computer cluster reviewing biology, working hard on a Friday night and knowing that I'm going to be spending MLK weekend trying to get ahead next week.
I'm also thinking about HF again, right as I was about to call it a night and head off to bed and wake up early tomorrow morning to resume. That wasn't a good idea, because whatever I think of right before bed works itself into my subconscious during sleep. So I'm giving myself just a little bit more time to write here and share a song before bed.
I've been listening to a lot of music like this, since I'm just amazed at the talent and it makes some song more bearable. Hearing songs redone is like hearing them again for the first time. Since last quarter's final, I've built up a nice up-beat playlist that's so different from all the heartbreak song I listened to in high school. Makes me feel like my emotions are under my control and independent of whichever girl I'm dreaming of. I also found that I really like practicing my drumming skills, and somehow, even though I'm not trying to keep a beat while I drum, it feels musical and creative.
Oh, DH's back! Maybe I can stay up and study a little bit longer.
I hope I'll only ever do one post of this. It's break: I spend a lot of time on Youtube.
Justin Bieber
Pro: lesbian Biebers. 'nough said.
Con: his voice cracks, and creaks, and screeches.
Pro: maybe he's in-between growth stages where his voice breaks. He could sing the high notes when he was younger, and right now his talking voice sounds alright. Maybe when he gets older, his voice will get smoother.
Con: screaming fangirls who really should be doing something better with their time than screaming over him. Plus, their screams are annoying.
Pro: his mom spies on him with a camera and posts stuff on Youtube.
Pro: he's done way more with his life than I have.
Pro: he might use his influence and money for good?
Pro: awesome piano rendering of his songs, which are addictive in general.
Pro: awesome dancing.
Con: "Bieber-fever", "Biebian", "Belieber", "Biebermania"
I realized that lately there's just been a wall of text on here, so here's some music I've been listening to lately. Can you believe I've never knew what Nelly Furtado looks like, or that she sings some of the songs I've been listening to for forever on the radio?
So, as I listen to it before bed to celebrate the purchase of a used rocking chair for my dorm room, a good labor day spent with both family and friends, and the privacy of a two room double, I hope you'll take 4 minutes to listen to it, too.
