Pride

I've been learning a lesson this week that I thought I've learned a long time ago, and it's a lesson on pride. Before now, I've always considered myself a humble person, and who can deny it? I'm an immigrant to the States at seven years old, I grew up close to poverty, attended mediocre public schools, and learned to live with little. Then all of a sudden, I'm one of the few kids from my high school attending an Ivy League. This newfound pride is greater than anything I've ever had before, such that lessons previously learned of humility faded away. Praises and admiration from those around me only bolstered this confidence, giving me the sense that I could do anything and stealing away my grasp of limitations.

Perhaps I should have listened harder when my senses tingled and warned me that I was letting the situation push my confidence beyond reasonable limits. But never before had I something to be proud of with this magnitude, and so I paid little attention to my instincts.

For the last couple of months, I've been more insecure and angry and frustrated than I've ever been in my life. Most of it comes from taking an accelerated calculus 1 course without a calculus background. The new sense of having gotten into such a great college left me with the impression that I could do anything, if only I worked hard enough, and this falsely translated into the idea that I could do absolutely anything at any time, with as much ease as anybody else. Wrong. I could eventually do anything I set my heart on, but only through a long stretch of time. I could get into a really good college, better than my sister's track, but only after four years of hard work in high school. I cannot succeed in Math 41 without prior calculus studies, and I will not be happy if I tried. I have not been happy.

Not that wise people haven't been telling me otherwise. My academic advisor stated from the start that, with my mathematical background, Math 19 was by far the better, saner choice. But I did not listen. And if it hadn't been for a good friend who yesterday sat me down and implored me to switch to Math 20 next quarter, I might have kept on my unhappy, stubborn ways. Thank God for the dear friends who spend so much time begging you to be happy; I have a note to listen to them more seriously in the future.

The thing is, ambition is permissable, but never pride. Never, never, never pride. Understanding your limits is, in fact, not a recognition of weakness, but a planned attack of strength. The turtle's slow path triumph overs the speedy hare. And true friends are found among those who wish to never see you unhappy. So many lessons I've learned since childhood that has served me well has lately been forgotten, blinded by pride. I must deafen myself to the meaningless accomplishments of others, quell the prideful monster that rears its head eager for an unreasonable challenge, and understand that I am, in fact, not a wonderful, gifted person, and should not strive to be so.

Strive, then, to simply be better than you are now, and make this your goal for the rest of your life. Make your goals small and humble, and create new ones as you accomplish them. And don't forget to stop, breathe, and turn your face to the sky.